To break one's heart...
Apparently, it doesn't take much for one's heart to break, metaphorically.
I'm not talking emotional romantic tension where your heart strings are singled out and snapped. I mean a broken heart with regard to one's hopes and dreams.
I mean it with regard to the days that make up the path of your life.
My heart simply broke when I left Japan. Now, however I find it breaking simply because I am leaving Omaha. I wish there was some way to have some sort of closure. Somehow, I want to place everyone in my pocket and carry them with me. Memories do not suffice to save me but their recall can act as a salve for my wounds or as salt to make them burn. They only accent my already held emotions.
If I dwell on it, I feel as though the task I have been given is equitable to Atlas's charge to hold the weight of the earth. He holds the physical object while I harden my sinews in a struggle against my own past memories. Faces pass by as I look on with my mind's eye, and my retinas burn.
Anyway, back to reality for a moment please? I just needed to vent someplace about the stress that I've got about going to Japan. I really want to go, but at the same time I know my strengths and weaknesses and I'm hoping that I am stronger than I think I am. In fact, I am hoping that my belief in my strength etc acts as a catalyst for me to have strength.
I just have to remember that a little nervousness helps but that a lot will kill me.
Peace. out.
No comments:
Post a Comment