Agedashi.... yum!

November Second and all's well!!

I met with Mel Bohn yesterday because he has so graciously agreed to write a recommendation letter for me. Incidentally, I guess I hadn't quite caught the significance of the meeting I was allowed to partially attend. So, I was lucky enough to meet members involved with the organization of the Japanese Ambiance festival at the Laurizten Gardens. I pretty much just listened in, but because I was actually at Ambiance, I was able to contribute a little.

I really hope they didn't notice, but since it has been so long since I had agedashi tofu, I almost cried when I ate the first bite.

On a more random note: I've borrowed a mnemonic to help me make more clear everyday decisions. The mnemonic in English has a slightly different purpose but I think the application is more broad.
飢怒孤疲 (could read this Kidokohi)
I even turned it into a four Kanji word. I.e. yojijukugo 四字熟語
Each character represents one of the states that you should not be in when making a decision: Hunger, Anger, Lonely, Tired.
This is kind of a continuation of my thoughts on momentous decisions.

Blaze on!

Thinking things through is hard

I've got a lot of planning to do and, so I've been formulating a way to properly approach momentous decisions. What follows here is a first draft of my thoughts on this matter.

やっぱり決めなきゃならないことがどんどん増えてしまっているのでちゃんと決め方を作ろうとしている。　下の事は僕の最近の考えの結果である。

Normative Alliance
The decision should lead you down a path that is both right in means and end.
~if the end is not good, i don't know why you do it anyway.
~if the means are not good, you should bide your time and choose a different approach.
For example, if you wanted money and since money is not necessarily a bad thing, the ends are not bad. Although, sneaking into and stealing from someone would not be a good means. It would be better actually if you got a part-time job.

Emotional Preparation
If there is something causing you to worry about it, until a solution can be found, one should wait.
If you can't solve it on your own you should find a trustworthy friend to talk with.

Clarify Goals
Write out what you plan to do, that way if you ever have doubts you can recheck you math so to speak.

Decision Time
When it comes time for the actual decision to be made, make it unwaveringly. Being nervous is okay but you should appear calm.

Sticking with it
Stick with it, until you have thoroughly thought through reason as to why it doesn't work. Although, if you have already done the above things well, you should be able to proceed without looking back.

Religion/One's belief system
If what you believe is related to this at all, you should pray about it, or do whatever is most appropriate to your belief system. Me? I'd pray.

I think that if you do all of the above you can approach your momentous decision without any worries. I'm still researching this though.

正しさ　
結果的にと行動的に正しいと思わない決定しないほうがいいです。
～結果的には正しくなければどうしてやろうとするがわからないです。。
　 ～行動的には正しくなければ我慢して別の行動捜したほうがいい
　 例えば金がほしかったら金は別に悪いものでもないから結果的には問題ないんですけど自分が決めた行動は誰かの家を忍び込んで盗むと言う事だったら多分バイトとかしたほうがいいです。

心構え
　 悩みまだあったら解決できるまで進まない方がいいです。
　 ちょっとした一人で考えてから自分が解決できなかったら信頼できる友達に相談したほうがいいです。

はっきり見える目的
　 自分の目的を紙には長く説明して書きなさい。　そうすれば決定の行動の悩みがあったらいつでも参考出来る物があるよ。

決定する事
　 決める時ちゃんと自信を持つしかないです。　ちょっと緊張してもいいけど冷静に行動したほうがいいです。

頑張りぬかないように
　 決めてから考え直してもいいけど立ち戻るまえに熟思した方がいいです。
　 でも基本的に上の事をちゃんとしたなら「決して立ち戻るな」のほうがいいです。

信仰
　 自分が信じる事「例えば宗教とか」によってふさわしい行動したほうがいいです。　たとえば祈るとか。

上の事ちゃんとするなら重要な決定したら心配しなくて言いと思うよ。　　でもまだ調べ中。

Agar Main Kahoon. If I were to say. もし僕は申したら。

Open this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2ZhhlosJRY
(They won't let me embed this one, sorry)
Give this song a listen
ね、この歌聴いてくれないの？
You have to understand the lyrics to think the song is good though.
歌詞が分からないと良い歌だと思えないけどね。

So, please look at the lyrics while you watch the video:
だから、歌詞を読みながらビデオを見てください。

日本語の訳は僕がやってたからちょっとした部分は変となったと思う。　ごめんね。

ORIGINAL LANGUAGE

--MALE--
Agar main kahoon, mujhe tumse mohabbat hai
Meri bas yehi chaahat hai to kya kahogi,

--FEMALE--
Main tumse kahoongi、 is baat ko agar tum Zara aur sajaake kehte,
zara ghuma phiraake kehte
To achha hota

--MALE--
Agar main kahoon
Tumko jab dekhoon lagti ho jaisa nayi
Hont hain pankhadi phool ki
Aankhen jaise jugnu chamakte hue
Soche mera yeh dil dhadakte hue
Agar main kahoon

Agar main kahoon,
yeh jo chehra hai Jaise koi chaand hai to kya kahogi

--FEMALE--
Main tumse kahoongi
Mujhko bhoole se bhi chaand tum na kaho
Chaand mein to kayi daag hain
Mujhe phool na kehna voh murjhaate hain
Jugnu bhi na kehna voh kho jaate hain
Yeh baatein puraani hain jo mujhko sunaati hain
Kisi aur ada se kehte,
zara ghuma phiraake kehte
To achha hota

--MALE--
Agar main kahoon, mujhe tumse mohabbat hai
Meri bas yehi chaahat hai to kya kahogi,

Agar main kahoon
Baatein sunke tumhaari main hairaan hoon
Jo bhi kehna hai kaise kahoon
Lagta tumhe kuch bhi achha nahin
Sach ko bhi kehti ho sachcha nahin

--FEMALE--
Agar main kahoon
Agar main kahoon tumhe pata nahin hai kyoon
Hai pyaar mujhe bhi tumse to kya kahoge

--MALE--
Main tumse kahoonga
mere dil ka hai yeh kehna Humko hai saath mein rehna

--FEMALE--
Yeh dono ke dil mein hai na
To phir kyoon kehna

--MALE--
Agar main kahoon

--FEMALE--
To main tumse kahoongi


ENGLISH

--MALE--
if I was to say that I love you
this is my desire, what would you say - (2 times)

--FEMALE--
I would say to you、 that if you had said this in a more decorative way
if you had said it in a round about way
then it would have been good

--MALE--
if I was to say
every time I look, you appear new
your lips are like flower petals
your eyes shine like lightning bugs
my heart beats think this
if I was to say
if I was to say that
this face is beautiful like the moon then what would you say

--FEMALE--
I would say to you
don't ever call me like the moon even by mistake
there are many scars in the moon
don't call me a flower since they wither away
don't call me a lightning bug either, they get lost
these are old things that you are telling me
you could have said it with some more charm,
should have said it in a roundabout way
it would have been good

--MALE--
if I was to say that I love you
this is my desire, what would you say

if I was to say
I am surprised to hear what you are saying
how can I say what I have to say
you don't like any thing
you even call the truth false

--FEMALE--
If I was to say
If I was to say why don't you know
I love you too, then what will you say

--MALE--
I will say
that my heart is saying we have to live together

--FEMALE--
it is in both hearts
so then why say it

--MALE--
If I was to say

--FEMALE--
then I will say to you

JAPANESE

--男--
もし僕はあなたが好きだと申したら
これは僕の欲求、あなたは何を言い返すか

--女--
私は言い返す事が　もっと装飾的のように言われたとしたら
後回すように言われたとしたら
そのほうは良かったです。

--男--
もし僕は申したら
毎回あなたを見ると新しそうに見える
あなたの唇は花びらのように
蛍の光のようにあなたの目が輝いているよ。
自分の心臓の鼓動がこういう風に考える。
もし僕が申したら

もし僕が申したら
この顔は月のように美しいと何を言い返すの？

--女--
私は言い返す事が
言い間違えても決して月だと呼ばないで
月は傷が多いから
花とも呼ばないでくれ、枯れてしまうから
蛍とも呼ばないでくる、道に迷うから
これは古い事ばかり伝えているよ
あなたはもっと魅力てきに言えることができたでしょうね　
後回すように言ったほうが良かった
そのほうは良かったです。

--男--
もし僕はあなたが好きだと申したら
これは僕の欲求、あなたは何を言い返すか
もし僕が申したら
それを聞くと驚いているよ
いわなきゃならい事をどういう風に言うべきなの？
何も気に入ることしない、あなた
本当は嘘というまで。

--女--
もし私が申したら
もし私が申したら、どうしてもう知ってないの？
私もあなたがすきだよ、で何を言い返すの？

--男--
僕は申す事は
僕の心は一緒に暮らすことにならなきゃと言っている

--女--
両方の心の中にあるなら
どうして言い出すの？

--男--
もし僕が申したら

--女--
と私は言い返すよ

My mind ~ a glimpse

It's a little hard to explain, but I am trying to understand myself.
という訳で最近何かを書く理由は自分がいつしか消え去る感情を込めて保存しようとすることだ。
I really want to be able to express myself better in writing.
でもいっぱい書くよりも自分が何望んでいるを理解してからちゃんと想像できると思う。
If I can imagine it, the clearer the image the better I can express it.
下の書き事は自分が「絶望」というような感情をはっきり想像してから書いた事である。
My only regret is that I can't express this story in Japanese well.
日本語でも書きたくてもちゃんと僕が想像している感情が伝えなさそうだから悔しい限り。

His voice rang out into the silence... the words remained unintelligible but the sound reverberated throughout the subway sewers. No one could hear him here and he knew it. Reaching down into his gut once more, he let his words explode from his core. Completely charged with the strings holding his heart down and the searing pain in his chest, he found he could scream all the louder. A rat took off into the tunnel away from the powerful echoes as the lone human figure in the area collapsed to his knees exhausted.

Emotionally drained, he looked up to the glimmering minuscule shaft of light from the manhole far above. The questions raced off his tongue toward the sewer walls as fast as they entered his mind.

“What do you want from me?
What should I do?
Why have you forsaken me?
When can I know?
How do I - - “

The roar of a train in the tunnel nearby drowned out his voice and he knelt in a daze with a glazed stare. A solitary droplet fell from the ceiling and splashed on his forehead. Blinking his eyes, clarity came once again to his mind and eyes. Sure, his heart would still be troubled but for now he was back.

日本語の省略
誰かは自分の絶望を発揮する為に誰もいない地下鉄の下水道まで行って叫び出す話。

または単語かな～
reverberated 　響き渡る
sewer　下水道
gut　　直訳は　はらわた　だけど　意味は　根性
core　自分の中心部
charged 　直訳は　荷電　でも　感動を満ちたという意味
searing　焦がすような
echoes　　反響　
tunnel　　トンネル
collapsed to his knees　崩れるように膝｛ひざ｝まずく
drained　　「エネルギーがなくなりました」
minuscule　ほんのわずかな
shaft　　シャフト　でも　光線という意味
manhole　マンホール
forsaken　見捨てるこどだけどabandonより厳しそう
roar　轟音
solitary 唯一の　でも　一人ぼっちみたいな意味
droplet　滴
clarity　明瞭　明快
troubled heart 心が騒ぐ

Just need to collect my thoughts....

What if I do...
What if I ask...
Will the sun still rise?
Will the moon still speak out?

What if I can't...
What if I ..
Will walls still feel solid?
Will the floor cave in?

That was in English, but
日本語にしたら。。。

もしそれを。。。
もしあれを。。。
太陽がまだ昇るの？
月がまだ告げるの？

出来なかったら。。
しなかったら。。
壁が中空と成っちゃうの？
床が崩れっちゃうの？　

Anyway, am I ready for the blur?
全部は早すぎて進みそうなんだけど。。。

~Rational Part~
Okay, now that I've got my head on straight again.
皆さんが二週間後帰っちゃうのはまだいや。。。　
And I've begun to think that time is progressing too fast again.
しっかり物のようにバイトしたり宿題したり遊んだりしようとしている。
However, it feels like I'm slipping again but...
そういうこと時々起こるから精一杯頑張ると思う。
Everything is changing with the passage of time...
これもいいことになると思うしかないかな。
Wish I could just ask you to pray for me.
でもそういうようなことは通じないと思うからやめておこう。

~_~ err... still not sure if that was rational.
誰は上のこと理解出来るかな。。。かなり理論的じゃなくなった。

合間

ちょっと世界文化の事伝えようと思っています。

「　バレンタインデーとはもともと、聖バレンチノの殉教を記念する日でした。
　ではなぜ、バレンチノが恋人たちの保護者としてあがめられるのでしょうか？
　バレンチノは、イタリア・ウンブリア地方のテルニ（Terni）の司教で、ローマ皇帝によって処刑された殉教者と伝えられています（同じ日に記念する同じ名前の殉教者がいるのでややこしい）。

　当時ローマ帝国の兵士たちは、「士気が落ちる」という理由で、結婚を禁止されていたとか。バレンチノは、こっそり若い恋人たちを結び付けていたそうです。それが皇帝クラウディオの怒りを買い、捕らえられ、２７０年（２６９年？）、棍棒や石でなぐり殺された、といわれています。」

　ってさー面白くないの?　　皆やっぱりバレンタインデーは愛と関わった事もずいぶん知ってたと思うけど1740年前誰かの死はその切っ掛けとは知らなかったでしょうね。　でもね、贈り物配ったり手紙を送ったりする事は最初の時あまり関係がなかったけど、それ止まないでくれ。　結構楽しい事だからよ。

じゃな。

Slight interlude.

Awaken Awaken, the Bell cries
Its sadness pulls me from the world of living dreams
A passion rips at my chest
threatening to crush my ribs
I stand up to do my best

A decision is made, but did I make it?
To love with all my heart
To act with all my soul
To move with all my limbs
The burning flows through my veins
molten lava is far cooler.

A reversal is made, but did I make it?
To stand with all my power
To live with all my will
To seek with all my thoughts
The moving paths before my sight
flying with no wings I go.

A strengthening is made, but did I make it?
To believe until it all hurts
To walk until it all bleeds
To fight until it all ends
The anticipation leaves my soul oscillating
earthquakes have nothing on me.

~ N0R3450N ~

Golden Key 1.02

ある晩、夏では、彼は自分の部屋に帰って格子窓の前立って、そして妖精の国の外れに縁のあった林を眺めました。　その林は大叔母さんの庭まで続いて、そして、確かに、庭の中にあるまばらな木が入ってきました。東には林が置いてて、そして太陽は、小屋の後ろに沈んでいるところで、目の高さの赤い目で真っ直ぐにその暗い林に見えました。木は全部古くて下のほうには枝があまりなかったから太陽がかなりの距離まで林の中に見えました。　そしてその少年は、鋭い目をしてたから、太陽とほぼ同じ距離が見えました。　林の幹は赤い太陽の輝きで赤い柱のように並んでて、そして彼は消えていく遥かの通路も通路も見る事が出来ました。　それから木は彼の為に待ってた感じが感じる事が始まりながら林を眺めてた。　木が先に進む事も出来ないほど彼が会いに来るまで待っていたそうでした。　でもかれはお腹すいて晩御飯ほしかったんでした。　だから彼は居残りました。

One evening, in summer, he went into his own room and stood at the lattice-window, and gazed into the forest which fringed the outskirts of Fairyland. It came close up to his great-aunt’s garden, and, indeed, sent some straggling trees into it. The forest lay to the east, and the sun, which was setting behind the cottage, looked straight into the dark wood with his level red eye. The trees were all old, and had few branches below, so that the sun could see a great way into the forest and the boy, being keen-sighted, could see almost as far as the sun. The trunks stood like rows of red columns in the shine of the red sun, and he could see down aisle after aisle in the vanishing distance. And as he gazed into the forest he began to feel as if the trees were all waiting for him, and had something they could not go on with till he came to them. But he was hungry and wanted his supper. So he lingered.

Golden Key 1.01

「誰かは見つかったことあると知っているの」少年は聞いた、ある晩です。
「うん。あなたのお父さん、私はそう信じる、見つかった。」
「お父さんはキーには何をした、教えてくれない？」
「彼は決して私に何も伝えなかった」
「キーはどんな形してたの」
「彼は決して私に見せてくれなかったよ」
「新しいキーはいつもどういうふうにそこに現れるの」
「知らないよ。ただそこにあるよ。」
「たぶん虹の卵だ」
「たぶんそうね。巣を見つかったら嬉しい子になるよ」
「たぶん虹で空から倒れてくるんだ」
「たぶんそうしているわね」

“Did you ever know anybody to find it?” he asked, one evening.
“Yes. Your father, I believe, found it.”
“And what did he do with it, can you tell me?”
“He never told me.”
“What was it like?”
“He never showed it to me.”
“How does a new key come there always?”
“I don’t know. There it is.”
“Perhaps it is the rainbow’s egg.”
“Perhaps it is. You will be a happy boy if you find the nest.”
“Perhaps it comes tumbling down the rainbow from the sky.”
“Perhaps it does.”

Golden Key 1.00

この金色の鍵のバージョンはもともと原本の１８６７版です。
著作権が切れた状態にあるので今公有です。

黄昏のなかである子が座りながら大叔母さんからおとぎ話をよく聞きました。
虹の先が地面に接するところを見つかったらそこで彼はゴールデンキーを見つけられると彼女は言いました。
「で鍵は何の為？」少年は聞きました。「鍵は何のものの鍵ですか？何が開けられるんですか？」
「それはだれも知らないことです、」彼の叔母さんは答えました。「見つかった人はこれを使うべきかを分かるようにならなきゃなりません」
「きっと、金であって」少年は一度言い、深く考えて、「もし売ったら沢山のお金が得ることが出来そう。」
「売るよりけっして見つからないほうがいい」叔母が答えました。
そして少年は就寝してゴールデンキーの夢を見ました。
もし叔母さんの小さな家は妖精の国のふちになかったなら今までゴールデンキーについて大叔母さんから聞かせた事は意味を成さないものばかりだったかもしれないけどそうじゃないでした。　完璧によく知られていたことなんだけど妖精の国以外だれも虹の先が見つかる事が出来ません。　ある生き物は自分のゴールデンキーを大事にしていつもひらひら飛び回っていて誰かは鍵を見つかることが出来ないようにしています。　でも妖精の国のなかにはかなり違います。　この国には現実とは見える物は妖精の国にはとても薄く見えるけどこの国にはじっと立つことが出来ない物はそこにぜんぜん動きません。　だから、甥には叔母ちゃんがそんなゴールデンキーについて述べた事は少しも不合理なことじゃないでした。

This version of The Golden Key is from the original 1867 edition. Its copyright has since fallen into the public domain.

There was a boy who used to sit in the twilight and listen to his great-aunt’s stories. She told him that if he could reach the place where the end of the rainbow stands he would find there a golden key.
“And what is the key for?” the boy would ask. “What is it the key of? What will it open?”
“That nobody knows,” his aunt would reply. “He has to find that out.”
“I suppose, being gold,” the boy once said, thoughtfully, “that I could get a good deal of money for it if I sold it.”
“Better never find it than sell it,” returned his aunt.
And the boy went to bed and dreamed about the golden key.
Now all that his great-aunt told the boy about the golden key would have been nonsense, had it not been that their little house stood on the borders of Fairyland. For it is perfectly well known that out of Fairyland nobody ever can find where the rainbow stands. The creature takes such good care of its golden key, always flitting from place to place, lest any one should find it! But in Fairyland it is quite different. Things that look real in this country look very thin indeed in Fairyland, while some of the things that here cannot stand still for a moment, will not move there. So it was not in the least absurd of the old lady to tell her nephew such things about the golden key.

The Golden Key 0.00 Introduction

Since I haven't been able to come up with enough stuff that I am willing to post here on a consistent basis, I have come up with something of a project. I am going to try and translate The Golden Key by George MacDonald into Japanese. I will begin my work alone, but will credit any of my Japanese friends who deign to help me in the process. The Golden Key is a short story with only 17 pages of text, but the story blows my mind every time I read it. I would recommend it to everyone as a must read that won't take much time to read.

As a bit of a trivia though, I think I must introduce George MacDonald. He was a writer of fantasy whose writings had a strong enough influence on C.S. Lewis to gain him the immortal position of Lewis's otherworldly guide in The Great Divorce and to gain the honor of having an anthology compiled under C.S. Lewis's scrutinous eye. Additionally, George MacDonald was also a friend of a certain author who wrote under the pen name Lewis Carrol. The extreme ability of these two authors in writing of wonderous fantasy worlds is on the same level of such great books as The Lord of the Rings and Narnia. I recommend that those who are interested in knowing more read MacDonald's Lilith in which I am quite certain Edgar Allen Poe found his inspiration for his poem The Raven, which is quite recently quoted "nevermore".

I would recommend these books of George MacDonald's.
(note:some of which you can find on librivox.org)
The Princess and the Goblin
The Princess and Curdie
The Light Princess
The Lost Princess (AKA The Wise Woman: A parable) *A must read*
Phantastes
Lilith

The last two are examples of MacDonald's adult fiction which are a little heavier read than the other stories.

省略：　とにかくこれからジョージマクドナルドの小説を日本語に翻訳しようとするんだ。　　話は十七枚だけで短いけど物凄くいい話だよ。
ジョージマクドナルドはまだ知らない人のためにちょっとの紹介をしようと思っている。　マクドナルドさんは基本的にファンタジーの作家なんだけど彼が書いたことは二つの種類に分けることが出来るんだよ。　それは子供のファンタジーと大人っぽいファンタジーだ。　こういう場合には大人っぽいファンタジーは基本的に子供のファンタジーっぽいけどテーマはもっと複雑だし単語ももっと難しいしそれとも恐ろしいことも起こるよ。　
この二つのスタイルの中にはザゴールデンキーは子供のファンタジーだけどこの様な話の作り方が想像できないほど深い意味が含まれている。　僕は三回以上読んだけどまだ理解出来ないことがあるから何回も読んだら飽きないよ。　　さ、この紹介のせいで読んでみりん。　　＾＿＾

A key Revolution

The time has come... for me to start writing in here again.

Yes, I know that I am coming across as an erratic writer or quite possibly a disfunctional one. However, that is not something I intend to change. The seeming chaotic wanderlust that my personality reflects is an inherent conjuction to my meaningingless pursuit of being a Jack of all Trades. Instead, my focus has slowly shifted into a holy box that justifies and without alteration has redifined my goals. I no longer crave an impossible expertise in the many skills that compose my life while at the same time I maintain my fixation with flexibility. My life experience rests on living for the life of all.

The key to my future rests in an abandonment into hands of greater power than my own.

In hopes that I will never revert to my old mindset, my sight has been changed. Instead of seeing a future death for the instillation of fear into my motives, I now see only the future of life to be had and the missed opportunies to live that I will not allow to pass untouched. The samurai spirit is strong and quite good for this world but it has overlooked one thing. When one dwells on death as a complete and total end, hope suffocates. I must always remember that the only thing to look forward to beyond the end of time is more life, not less.

No more piddling fires. Let it burn with a passion hotter than a thousand suns.
Set the world ablaze.